Broken Compass

Some days, you wake up, not really knowing where you are and what the day is. It takes a few moments to shake off the dream world, and give your consciousness time to reengage with the waking world. For those brief few seconds or minutes, you have no concept of time or place, or even identity, you just are. A bundle of skin and bones wrapped up in pyjamas (or not, I'm not judging), inhaling and exhaling, allowing your senses to gradually allow the world to seep back in.


Some days, once you've woken up, and gotten showered and dressed, and gone to work, or the gym, or shopping, you sit down and still feel that just woken up lack of consciousness. Some might call it disassociation, but I believe it is more of a broken compass. You try to shake it to make it work, but it can't find its centre, its true north. It's there, within that compass face, just not quite in reach.


It's difficult when you're trying chase north for a long time, and not able to find it. Going through the motions. South, east and west may work for other people, but it's not north. It's not the right direction for you. While others shake off that just woken up feeling straight away, you bumble around, not feeling right. 


It took a long time for me to find my true direction, and now I've found it, I feel a peace that I didn't realise I longed for so much. Each day I wake up happy that I've found my purpose, and what I truly want for myself. I still have a couple of things that still need to be aligned up perfectly, but it's so much better now than it ever was before. I've spent so long shaking and cursing at the compass but I now see it wasn't broken after all, it was me all along going in the wrong direction.

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